IgnitingSuccess

Ep. 69 Exploring Leadership Integrity and Inner Wisdom with Angela Cusack

Mon, 04 Dec 2023 15:57:11 GMT

Podcast Title: Exploring Leadership Integrity and Inner Wisdom with Angela Cusack

Description:

Join us in this captivating episode as we sit down with Angela Cusack, an esteemed colleague from the first Narrative Coaching cohort, and delve into the profound themes of leadership, integrity, and personal evolution. Angela enlightens us on the pivotal role of asking transformative questions such as "Who am I?" and "Whose voice am I speaking?" in shaping our personal and professional lives.

We venture into discussions about the importance of integrity in leadership, with Angela providing valuable insights and personal experiences. The conversation further navigates the intriguing concept of allowing our future selves to guide our present decisions, offering practical advice on integrating this perspective into daily life.

Constructive or Destructive Conversations? Which are you having?

Fri, 11 Nov 2022 02:39:53 GMT

Conversations are rarely neutral.

Conversations live on the spectrum of being productive to unproductive, constructive to destructive.

The primary purpose of conversation is to coordinate and effectively move action forward for the sake of reaching a goal—ideally a shared goal.

However, when our conversations are cross-purposed or we enter the conversation with an intention to prove a point, be right, or feel we need to firmly stand our ground no matter the cost, our conversations become destructive. We shift into a mood of defensiveness arising from our deepest fears that we will somehow be blamed, and possibly shamed.

Conversations can turn destructive at any point in a conversation if we are unaware of own triggers that move us from love and kindness to fear and self-doubt. And the reverse is also true, we can also shift destructive conversations into constructive ones. Ones that contribute to our well-being, engagement, interpersonal relationships, positivity, and productivity, reducing the feeling of burnout, dissatisfaction, and confusion in the precise moment the conversation is unfolding.

“One good conversation can shift the direction of change forever.” ~Linda Lambert

Here are some tips I recently shared with a group of high performers in a $750 million dollar privately held company aimed to assist them in learning how to maintain an effective executive presence in the face of challenging conversations.

Silence doesn't signify agreement. As leaders and even members of a team, we have the responsibility to check with those who are choosing to remain silent and actively invite them to contribute without concern or fear of losing dignity. Creating a psychologically safe space to share varied points of view and perspectives increases feelings of belonging and inclusion, resulting in higher levels of creativity and innovation.
Context is both fundamental and non-trivial; it lives in our background — a background that is obvious to us, but not others. Context informs how the content is understood and expands on the why, who, how, when of the conversation. Using the subject line of emails to set context is an easy first step in framing the listening of the recipient. An example: Action Required by Monday, 10am EDT details follow below.
Listen with an open mind and open heart to what is being presented. Moods and emotions predispose us for the action we take. They also inform how and what we listen to and for. Before entering your next meeting or opening your next email make sure to pause and assess your mood and attitude. If you are feeling closed minded, distracted, or otherwise preoccupied and notice an unproductive voice in the background saying, “I don’t have time for this right now...” stop, breath, and check yourself. The way you listen informs the story you will make up about what is being messaged and who the speaker is. Make sure you’re listening for what speaker was intending and if you are unsure, pick up the phone and ask.
Use emails for information sharing, not for the purpose of having conversation about a problem or get work done. Emails were never intended to replace in-person, phone, or virtual conversations where we talk through our care, concerns, and commitments.
Invite two-way dialogue when you have feedback, wish to share your interpretations about an issue and/or an experience based on prior interactions with someone. Emails are best left for sharing information and informing on the status of tasks.
Reduce the noise caused by emails. Get clear on your intentions of including others as copied or blind copied recipient on emails. If it is for the purpose of self-protection, e.g., “CYA”, stop! Make sure you are managing your energy and that of others wisely.

It begins with YOU.

And it can begin RIGHT NOW.

Engaging and inviting constructive conversations is everyone’s responsibility.

I trust these tips will help you in shifting your conversations from destructive to constructive, from unproductive to productive the next time the heat of the moment arises.

Share your thoughts and insights so we can learn from one another.

Here’s to Igniting Success (yours and ours) and living a life less ordinary every day!

To learn more, go to the “The Book” on Igniting Success website and sign up for an advanced signed copy of my debut book Discover the Matrix: Integrity is the Hallmark of Leadership due out in early 2023

Part II, The Truth About Trust

Fri, 11 Nov 2022 02:36:24 GMT

Trust Requires Us to Be Adults. Not victims of circumstance. Not rescuers trying to fix or save colleagues relationships, making everyone feel a bit better. Not persecutors who look to place blame and foster shame in others.

We must break out of the Trust Trap that often catches off guard. We may experience it more than we think until we pause to notice that once again, we are trapped in a cycle of unhealthy skepticism and distrust.

Breaking out means we take full responsibility for our role in building a trusting relationship with another.

We hold the belief trust is not someone else’s problem, it is squarely ours.

Trust begins with me.

The condition for trust to exist begins with me.

It doesn’t begin with the other person.

This is what I mean when I say, Trust Requires Us to Be Adults .

One of my memorable experiences of experiencing this idea in real time, was when I served as the Junior League of Richmond’s President-Elect. And in this role, I had responsibility of leading the Management Team. This group of women showed up in every one of our conversations as adults, whether we were celebrating or discussing matters of importance where differing perspectives emerged. The image depicts these women at the close of our year together, circa 2009-2010. It reminds me what it means to own and live out the ideas we’ve been discussing in this article.

To further our conversation, allow me to share a few other insights that can amplify this idea that trust requires us to be adults.

Trust is, first and foremost, something we do individually.

As Solomon & Flores share in their iconic book, Building Trust, “trust is something we make, create, build, maintain and sustain with our promises, our commitments, our emotions, and our sense of integrity. It is our self-perception of our self as a person”.

We may tend to make this thing called “trust” a passive process; one we react to versus actively manage, yet, it is anything other than passive.

Trust is an active process.

Our intention follows what we pay attention to.

We cannot avoid the need to be intentional. It is only when we are intentional and we consciously begin paying attention can we cultivate, repair, and maintain trust. This awareness must be present within every conversation we are in. When we dial in our focus on what is present for us and between us, we can notice what promotes or prevents trust from happening.

We do not make decisions to trust or not to trust.

Trust is not something gifted to us, or we are entitled to. Instead, it is comprised of

1. The way we are being in relationship with others.

2. How we choose to think about that person.

3. How we make meaning of related events.

In fact, it begins with trusting ourself first.

Trust doesn’t just show up, it is something we make and create together.

I invite you to pause for a moment of Executive Reflection.

Consider how well you...

Keep your promises and see them through or renegotiate them in advance if a delay or breach is evidenced?
Speak the unspoken* expectations you have of others (and self)? (Those expectations that are “assumed” to be already known.)
Manage your emotions when trust is broken or when trust is fulfilled?
Share what is on your mind with care and compassion for self and the others?
Remain predictable and consistent even during uncertainty?

Distrust of others is often a projection of a lack of own self-trust. This can surface of selfishness, naivete, cynicism -- meaning we expect more than we are willing to give. This takes us back to the Trust Trap -- when we notice we are blaming others and playing the role of the victim repeatedly, we are tipping on the threshold of missing self-trust.

Cordial hypocrisy is real.

Cordial hypocrisy is a widespread subtle cultural practice within families, organizations, and teams.

It is this phenomenon where we might like one another, but we do not trust one another, yet we act as if we do.

We “play nice and get along to go along” out of loyalty or fear to pretend there is trust where really none exists. When we remain silent out of fear, we privately indulge and encourage the ongoing cycle of cynicism and distrust.

It’s the “wall of silence”.

The wall of silence is a filter. It filters what gets in is what they want to hear, what gets out is what they believe to be acceptable and tolerable.

In this organizational climate, no one speaks of the undiscussables. You are only told what others believe you want to hear; not what really needs to be said, because it is safer that way. The wall of silence looks like:

The Corporate nod
Wink management
Whisper campaigns
Watercooler conversations
Covering the elephant that is clearly in the room

Cordial hypocrisy left unaddressed, leaves proverbial dead bodies lying around, hidden in plain view. It leaves cultures in disarray, and performance and engagement low. It’s costly in more ways than financial.

Be a commitment to be consciously awareness.

C.T. Hill, retired President and CEO, SunTrust Mid-Atlantic, who I refer to as The Leadership Master, remained diligent in being aware of what others needed and expected. He often reminded his executive teams:

“People want to know 3 things about their leaders before they will follow them.”

1. Are you committed to excellence?

2. Do you care about me as a person?

3. Can I trust you? (e.g., Are you competent, reliable, sincere, and do we share the same care?)

What C.T. was pointing to and teaching can be summed up by Charles Feltman who authored The Thin Book of Trust, 2 ^nd Edition ,

Trust requires us to risk making vulnerable something we value to another person’s actions.

If we are committed to building trust and remaining vigilant in deepening our own self-awareness, we can create a Trust Loop and avoid the Trust Trap .

A loop where I understand what my needs and expectations are for how people are (or should be) based on my nature and my upbringing.

A loop where I appreciate that my experiences are informed by my unconscious bias and conscious beliefs. My beliefs and bias inform the actions I take. And my actions generate the results I see, experience, and get.

A loop where I am in control of the experience I have with trust based on who I am, how I am being, and what I choose to take action on.

The next time you are thinking about who you trust and who you don’t trust...consider this these leading with these behaviors. They will help you lead with trust, create an environment where trust can be fostered, and accept trust doesn’t begin with the other person.

T – Tell your truth with compassion and candor (be sincere)

R – Respect boundaries of others and hold yourself accountable (be competent)

U – Understand and appreciate the other’s perspective (be competent)

S – Stay steadfast in thought, action, and deed (be reliable)

T – Tune in to “why” you care (be caring)

“Trust, like love and freedom, is one of those essential human values that everyone understands--until it comes into question and it is time to put it into practice.”

~Robert C. Solomon & Fernando Flores

Love to hear your thoughts and insights.

Here’s to Igniting Success (yours and ours) and living a life less ordinary every day!

Part II: Imagine Your Potential. Step Forward into Your Future Now!

Fri, 11 Nov 2022 02:27:45 GMT

I took up golf later in life. Yet, it was a game that I had always been attracted to--a sport that when I was in my 20’s I attempted to learn, but my wallet wasn’t fat enough to allow it to happen. But I never lost sight of seeing myself playing the game well, competing against other women who likely had been playing a good portion of the lives.

In my short 3 years at the sport, I am not yet competing, but I am playing...my confidence building with each visit to the driving range and course. I don’t see myself as a novice, I see myself as a woman golfer who can hold her own in any golf match. My current-self overlaps with my future self. My husband often lovingly laughs at me when he hears me say...which I frequently do, “I have the potential of being really good at this sport.” -- I say that about a lot of things -- including be a successful businesswoman and entrepreneur.

But what if you are stuck and see your current self far from your future ideal self? What can you do?

First, acknowledge where you are starting from. We can only begin where we are. By honoring the present without attachment to the past and all the “should, would, could’s” that come along with it, frees us to rediscover our passion and purpose and imagine our potential.

Second, be honest with yourself. Honesty reveals the “space between” that we’ve been hiding from, overlooking or simply ignoring because we got caught up in the drift of our own stories and narratives likely because we have been too busy pleasing and impressing others and not ourselves.

Third, be deliberate in the practice of ongoing self-discovery in developing personal intelligence. Learning to navigate the matrix while challenging our conventional thinking and way of being is a cornerstone of igniting our own human potential as well as that of others.

So, we know the WHY it is critically important to Imagine Your OWN Potential and not live into someone else’s dream for us, right? If you are unsure, re-read part I of Imagine your Potential again.

You may even have a sense for what Imagining a New Future might be and that’s great! More often than not, even with the dream in hand, I am asked, “How do I do this?” – “Where do I BEGIN?”

What follows is a proven framework that I discovered myself and I now use with my clients ranging from large organizations and PE firms to C-suite leaders and Entrepreneurs to our current generation of leaders -- Millennials and Gen Zs.

And here is my promise...this will--if you are willing to do the work--WILL MAKE you unstoppable in your quest to live your best life.

Step 1: Reflect & Remember.

Recall a time in your life where you had a safe space to IMAGINE YOUR POTENTIAL. Take your time here and bring this special memory forward.

When I was a kid, it was the wheat fields on my family’s farm. As I got older, I confessed my secret hopes to my journal...and sometimes my friends, and then ultimately to my coach.

I invite you--right now--to consider “this” as your safe space. Right now, is a perfect time to jump into r eflecting and remembering a moment when you had a big audacious dream that within it you saw, maybe for the first time, your potential! Don’t worry, I am not going to ask you to share this with anyone, I am simply inviting you “step into your matrix” where you can discovery your potential self.

To fully reflect, reconnect and remember, you must be CURIOUS about what you might be lurking in the “space between”. In your curiosity, allow your entire body to do most of the work, not your head.

Curiosity brings excitement which is a full body experience. It is fundamental in opening ourselves to new worlds and new possibilities. It makes our minds active instead of passive. And it makes our minds observant of new ideas.

Bring both your emotional as well as your intellectual curiosity!

Step 2: Release.

This is where it gets a bit more challenging... so grab some Compassion for yourself and some Courage to stay with it. This step isn’t for the faint of heart.

Releasing the chatter that is in our heads... you and I both know those voices -- the voices that tell us “We aren’t good enough. We aren’t smart enough. We should have done it sooner, and so on”.

These voices known affectionately as our inner critics can be our best friend or worst enemies depending on how we engage with them.

The seven primary critics that sit on our shoulders and whisper include:

1. Perfectionist

2. Controller

3. Taskmaster

4. Underminer

5. Destroyer

6. Guilt Tripper

7. Moulder

Did you notice one that resonates as your enemy? The one who is preventing you from Imagining Your Potential?

As we face these critics, we have a choice to remain constricted by fear with our bodies hunched and curled OR we can choose to sit straight and confident, taking the critic in our hands and flicking it across the room while saying, “Thank you... not today”.

In the practice of Releasing, we must have COMPASSION for ourselves (just as we do for others).

We are human and finding the COURAGE--the courage to find our inner compass and discover the invisible force that lives inside; the force that informs our thoughts, narratives, and actions every single day can be scary.

Finding our sense of direction and equilibrium is our sought-after chalice. Without it, we will always be pointing south when we believe we are pointing north. Step 3 is where we receive the hidden messages contained within the matrix.

Know this: You will ebb and flow between Step 2 and Step 3... Releasing and Receiving. It’s not a stumbling backwards, it is a spiraling process that readies us to receive.

Step 3: Receive.

Receiving is the spark of inspiration that signals you to look in a particular direction for your passion and purpose.

Receiving is where we find our inner compass. We move the needle toward the north. It invites us to notice how far we’ve come and CELEBRATE our accomplishments, be humbled by them, and now in this moment to WONDER AND IMAGINE our potential from this spot.

For me, I always drift back and see myself standing in the center of the wheat fields with the wind blowing all around me. Feeling free to imagine well beyond what I knew from my Appalachian upbringing.

In fact, I took these same three steps when I made the decision to leave my corporate job after 25 years. I was an accomplished executive with a great deal to be proud of, but I was dissatisfied. After waking up from my own Wink Van Winkle moment, I asked myself, “Where did that 20-year-old go? What about her hopes and dreams?”

It was then I had to wrestle my own inner critics as spoken about in the poem Beowulf written in 700 a.d. When I stood up to my inner voices, I developed the courage to walk away with only a loose plan and a lot of trust in my experiences, accomplishments, and most importantly in my passion and belief in my abilities to Ignite Success in others.

A lofty goal, but one I am living and doing every day.

If I can do it. YOU can too!

Step 4: Reclaim.

The final step picks up here. It’s time to RECLAIM YOUR POTENTIAL...the one that got lost in doing more, being more, and living less of who you truly are! Once you claim, as I did, as 1000’s of executives, entrepreneurs, and teams have...you too will not only CRAFT a plan to imagine your potential, you will step fully into it!

And once you do, there is no turning back! The genie is out of the bottle!

As we progress in life, our dreams will evolve. We might realize that an aspiration we once had is no longer realistic, or we may question the things we previously wanted. These changes are a normal part of getting older. Our perceptions shift. Our potential yearns to grow in new ways.

An important point I need to make:

There is a big difference between growing up and giving up.

It is true, we all have our limits, but it doesn’t mean we have to settle for the status quo.

It also doesn’t mean staying still in one place simply because it’s the safest course.

You have a responsibility to yourself, to those you love, to those you work alongside, to this world, to imagine your potential and move in that direction.

If you allow the limits, they will limit you, and you’ll never achieve peak performance.

So what are your limits?

What is the highest you can reach?

These are questions that only you can figure out.

My advice for imagining your potential and Igniting your Success:

• Dream BIG.

• Believe DEEPLY in yourself and your potential.

• Fail FORWARD and Catch yourself.

• CELEBRATE often.

• And MAKE the MAGIC you are meant to make!

Here’s to Igniting Success (yours and ours) and living a life less ordinary every day!

The Truth About Trust

Fri, 11 Nov 2022 02:15:28 GMT

Trust is messy.

It takes work.

It requires intention.

It demands our commitment.

And quite frankly it is easier to Distrust than to Trust.

Why?

Because...

We have no responsibility.

We have no stake in the game, no dog in the fight.

We simply play the blame game!

Distrust is toxic. It’s an unwinnable mind game. And a game no one wins!

Charles Feltman, in The Thin Book of Trust, 2 ^nd Edition, gives us wonderful definition for distrust:

What is important to me is not safe with you.

Let me give you a few examples of what distrust looks like in action:

When you tell someone, you are going to do something and don’t, not once but repeatedly, translates into “You don’t care about me as a person. You only care about yourself.”
When at every turn you are “covering your own backside”, aka CYA, using email as the cover. Blasting someone for doing or not doing something, because you felt they should already know or because you don’t want to take responsibility for your part in the confusion, frustration, or breakdown.
Facing our customers is tough—really tough—when we’ve broken our promises…and yet we ask them to trust us blindly anyway. And, when they leave us we wonder why. We explain it all away with, “Well, we did everything we could.” But did we? Honestly?

Every time we treat the other person with disrespect, we are also treating ourselves with disrespect.

When we enter conversations without knowing the context, we can easily slip into destructive conversations (see my blog Constructive or Destructive Conversations). We are out of integrity.

And the truth is INTEGRITY is all we have.

As Brené Brown reminds us.

Integrity is choosing

Courage over comfort

Doing what is right over what is fast, fun, or easy

Living your values and not just professing them

Integrity, I believe is the “Hallmark of Leadership”. A topic I flush out in detail in my debut book, Discover the Matrix , available in early 2023.

In my early corporate experience, I learned from a Leadership Master, C.T. Hill about the importance of integrity. C.T. would often be heard saying to executives and new hires alike:

Integrity + Credibility = Trust = Currency = What You Spend

And if your bank account is EMPTY, well...Trust isn’t even possible.

Trust doesn’t just happen.

It’s not passive.

Trust is a deliberate act.

And we if don’t take care of it…well, we fall into what is referred to as the dreaded Trust Trap.

In the Trust Trap we,

Assume trust is already always present. “Of course, you can trust me. You have no reason not to.”
Decide that trust isn’t possible because of role or function within the organization. “The sales and marketing teams simply can’t get along.”
Think you can simply avoid trust all together by ignoring the situation or person. “That’s not my problem. I don’t run that department.”

The Trust Trap is a direct result of not only our lack of competency, but also our lack of commitment to the work of creating, building, maintaining, restoring, and sustaining trust within our relationships--including the trust with ourselves.

When we fall into the trap, we take on the role of victim, persecutor, or rescuer. These roles do not support building or rebuilding trust, however, if we are not paying attention, we can become addicted to the feeling these roles offer us, such as righteousness, pity, and superiority.

To escape the madness, we must develop a new understanding of trust and actively develop a relationship with trust rather than only asserting its importance.

This is deeply personal and intentional work--with everyday routines and social practices.

What I can promise, is that if you put in the work...your relationships and life will forever change for the better. You will become known as someone with a strong character, brand, and more importantly someone who lives and leads in integrity.

Look for Part II of this blog, The Truth About Trust, where we will continue the conversation and reveal why it requires us to be adults.

Here’s to Igniting Success (yours and ours) and living a life less ordinary every day!

Imagine Your Potential. Step Forward into Your Future Now!

Fri, 11 Nov 2022 01:59:51 GMT

I’m a dreamer.

I’ve always been a dreamer.

From early childhood--well before I could read--I would devour the pictures in our 1960’s Encyclopedia Britannica. As I developed my reading skills, my time with these fascinating books only expanded. I’d sit for hours reading text and sub-titles drifting off as I imagined myself on safari, flying strange aircraft, throwing elaborate dinner parties where every utensil was used--all 22 forks. Every day offered a different opportunity to explore and try on something new.

After thumbing through the books, I would run as fast as I could out our wooden screen door that always closed with a “thud” -- giving away my location. Without a care, I’d scamper over the pig pen fence, through the cow pasture, toward the lower part of our farm, where in summer, acres upon acres of golden wheat stood in the field.

I’d stand on the edge of the field, taking in all its beauty--the sights, smells, sounds, feel and taste of the moment. With the golden wheat firmly rooted in the ground as the spikes danced spontaneously and with grace in the gentle breeze.

At first, I moved gingerly, not wanting to damage its beauty...and without warning, my little legs would take off like rockets and carry me into a deeper part of the field where I imagined I couldn’t be found. This spot became my safe space to imagine, improvise, and play with my potential--my future self while appreciating the moment I was in.

Until...it wasn’t.

Society’s narratives tumble upon us fast. We quickly learn--some sooner than others--there is no time for daydreaming, for imagining what we might become. We fall into a heavy slumber; I call the drift of doing what is expected. We test boundaries but more so to get a reaction. We lose ourselves well before we were ever discovered. Standing blindly upon the precipice.

What might have been if only we had had more time to play within our dreams and formulate a way forward before, we were swept up and swept away in the world of the expectations of others...that eventually may become ours for a lifelong fleeting moment. Because we are all still in the “figuring it out” stage. And while swimming in the vast sea of the unknown, we latch on to the life preserver and do our best to live out the life someone else wanted for themselves; while they stand by and vicariously live their life through us.

This life rarely if ever works. Why? Because we cannot own what is not ours.

We didn’t know any better.

We follow the course that is laid out in front of us by our parents, teachers, and family members. We struggle to orient ourselves in the drift even after we are adults. The imprint of our tribal, traditional, and modern upbringing often keeps us thinking and acting smaller than we actually are. We model what we’ve seen while hoping for a better life, which is exactly what our parents hope for us too.

It may sound bleak.

But it doesn’t have to be.

Studies show that those who focus more on what lies ahead, rather than relying solely on what is occurring in this moment, often shape their lives in ways that make good sense for their future.

“Do something today that your future self will thank you for.” ~Sean Patrick Flanery

We have the ability to remember and recall our dreams from our youth and young adulthood. These powerful reflections and insights signal us toward our passion and toward our purpose for being, not away from them. We only have to stop, listen, and reconnect.

In fact, very successful CEOs and high-powered corporate executives are known for getting caught in the drift...pushing their way ahead forcefully yet feeling unsatisfied without knowing exactly why. The swirl of the power and politics becomes very heavy and laborious. I see this all the time. Secretly, they tell me, that when they are forced to look back, they admit that they feel that they should have achieved more or even wished that they had chosen a different career altogether.

Consider Emily a very successful executive vice president at a large manufacturing company who was frustrated with her career progression. From our initial conversation, she was forthright that after an 18-year career, she was tired of her job, wasn’t fond of her boss or team and felt like she had nowhere to go. She claimed she had tapped out. She was only 48 years old. She felt trapped unbeknownst to her by her own perceived limitations.

As we talked, she began to wonder if she had become so busy with impressing others that she somehow had lost sight of what really mattered most to her. This sparked an exploration and a rediscovery of what she truly cared about. This took curiosity, compassion, courage, commitment, and craft to begin the process of seeing herself as she was while simultaneously imagining her potential.

When we awaken--and not everyone does--from our Wink Van Winkle sleep, we rub the sleep from our eyes, and begin to wonder where time has gone; we wonder if it is possible and if it is how we can begin to stop settling and live a life worth living. It is scary moment when we make this realization. But once we are awakened, we can’t go back to sleep. The genie can’t be placed back in the bottle.

Those that follow these steps have learned how to reconnect with themselves, appreciate all they’ve accomplished while imagining their potential from where they are...while reconnecting with their earlier self and dreams.

It is never too late to begin imaging your potential.

It bears repeating, when we act in a way to please other people rather than having a strong sense of self we are unconsciously seeking happiness and success in all the wrong places. The not so surprising truth is, we will not be happy if we achieve someone else’s goals on someone else’s terms. As Daniel Levinson says,

It is not a matter of how many rewards one has obtained; it is a matter of the goodness of fit between the life structure and the self.

Imaging your potential offers you the opportunity to check back in with whom you dreamt you might be, and to acknowledge and appreciate the twists and turns that have occurred along the way.

But how do we know if you are already living up to your potential?

Ask yourself these 6 questions:

1. Are you intentional with your actions?

If it is truly important to you--make the time now--and yes, it might mean waking up earlier, setting time aside when you get home or carving out time on the weekend.

2. When is the last time you took a calculated risk to push beyond the expectations you have for yourself?

It’s easy to become complacent in life. Inertia will take over if we allow it. Planning and taking calculated risks to go beyond builds courage, confidence and expands our creativity to imagine our potential in new and different ways.

3. Do you feel constricted or free? When you crawl into bed, how do you notice yourself feeling? When you rise in the morning what are your first thoughts, sensations, awareness?

The quality of our sleep is an indicator about how satisfied or unsatisfied we are and whether you are living up to your potential.

4. If you were to fast forward your life to a few decades from now, do you like what you see given who you are in this moment?

It can be easy--very easy to get caught up in the everyday necessities of taking care of family and parents, grocery shopping, reading emails, etc. And although these tasks are fine, they conveniently push away what is truly important in realizing our potential. Set time aside to be with yourself to imagine and dream about your potential future self.

5. How do you look and feel? What does the outside say about the quality of your inside? Consider this:

If you are disheveled, out of shape, or fatigued-looking, these factors reflect your inner state of mind. A confident person who feels good about things will be more “open”: shoulders back, back straight, and solid eye contact. Someone who isn’t doing so great, on the other hand, will be more “closed”: shoulders forward, back hunched, and eyes cast downward.

6. What is your potential?

The word “potential” denotes promise and ability, as if someone can reach great heights if he or she were to apply the maximum amount of effort and determination. Yet we all have constraints, yet we possess a great deal of power in how we choose to work within those limitations.

Unstoppable and successful entrepreneurs and leaders ignite their own success by asking themselves these questions regularly, by dreaming and constantly imaging their own potential. They realize that their “future self” can be more wildly successful than their “current self” and thus the reason they spend time imaging what they might become now, activate now...in this moment.

They develop the ability to “construct more vivid, detailed future selves that encourage them to identify more with their future, that pushes them to take on the stewardship of their present while guiding themselves to attain their goals”. (Daniel Levinson)

“The ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world are the ones who do.” ~Steve Jobs

Those that identify more closely with their future selves planned their life with longer-term payoffs in mind: saved more, did more, and amassed more wealth.

The conclusion:

Envisioning our future self and feeling deeply connected to who we can become--imaging our potential--guides our behaviors in the here and now, and in ways that create longer term satisfaction and rewards for the life we long to lead.

Here’s to Igniting Success (yours and ours) and living a life less ordinary every day!

Love to hear your thoughts and insights.

Cultural Humility

Fri, 11 Nov 2022 01:51:21 GMT

Becoming aware of our cultural dynamics is challenging because our personal culture is not conscious to us. It quietly resides in the background, the rhythm moving us without consideration. From the moment we are born, we learn to see and do things unconsciously. Our experiences, our beliefs and values, and our cultural background further shape how we think, move and act. If we do not intentionally step outside of our own cultural boundaries, we will continue to be blind to the impact that our personal culture has on our own behavior, thereby disregarding the impact that it has on others.

As coaches, we agree that cultural awareness is foundational to having effective conversations – especially coaching conversations. The unfortunate thing is that many of us live in an unconscious narrative that we are already culturally aware. We have travelled and experienced different countries, cuisines and cultures; and for those places we have not gone … well, we can access information at our fingertips and learn as we go. Let’s face it, we are coaches who have been trained to meet people where they are, without judgment – right?

The truth is, being culturally aware is not a destination, an accomplishment, or a certificate we receive for attending a class. It is a deliberate commitment to living in a space where increasing curiosity about others begins to naturally emerge. This space requires us to commit to a lifelong practice that generates understanding, respect, and successful interactions with those whose worldview varies from our own.

“It really boils down to this: that all life is interrelated. We are all caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied to a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

In our individual and collective work with other coaches, leaders, and even our own clients, we have discovered that teaching cultural competency alone, in an attempt to build cultural awareness, is simply not enough. Possessing knowledge doesn’t mean that the knowledge is applied. Thus, our hopes for more inclusive organizations, communities, and countries, where equity, appreciation and respect are given freely, are dashed. Our progression through the stages of culture awareness stops abruptly; we remain in limbo without any conscious awareness that we are even there.

In our quest to break the cycle, we discovered the concept of cultural humility. Coined in 1998 by Tervalon & Murray-Garcia, cultural humility is defined as the “ability to maintain an interpersonal stance that is other-oriented (or open to the other) in relation to aspects of cultural identity that are most important to the [person].”

In the beginning of our research and work, we grappled with what this meant. Were we not already behaving this way as coaches, as leaders, and as humans? What does it mean to have the “ability to maintain …”? How does one develop this “ability” to co-create experiences of authentic inclusion with those that are different from ourselves?

Cultural humility requires us to do our own work first. It demands us to repeatedly take a step back from ourselves and notice how we interact with others based on our own cultural values, beliefs, perceptions, communication preferences, customs and practices.

“Our tendency to mistake our thoughts about reality itself acts as a fundamental cause of human suffering. Waking up involves a moment-to-moment recognition of how we perceive reality through the filter of our beliefs, associations, and interpretations, in a sense, when we look at the world or other people, we see our own mind. This recognition allows us to grasp the peaceful, calm, objective reality that lies just beyond the veils of the mind. Waking up—the first glimmer of recognition can change our life forever. To awaken, we have to realize we’ve been asleep; to break our changes, we have to realize we’re bound.” ~ Dan Millman, No Ordinary Moments

How do we see the world? Why do we react or take action as we do? Why do we do the things in the way we do them? How does this impact others around us? The internal tension that arises within as we explore these questions is the initial step toward beginning our journey of understanding, appreciating, and valuing the differences between people of different backgrounds.

This step is unavoidable if we truly desire to expand and build our cultural awareness. Stepping up and into our own learning wholeheartedly; grappling with the known and unknown privileges we are afforded while wrestling with the internal disruption that occurs when we realize, maybe for the first time, that what we hold as true is actually not the truth. It is this that supports our growth and movement toward reaching the final stage of cultural awareness. It is here we find that the unconscious embodiment of coming together generates a shared view of our future and new possibilities whereby a new context and meaning are formed enabling new solutions to emerge.

This one practice is a lifelong commitment; a practice of compassionate self-reflection that goes beyond the surface of what we already know. A practice that requires a deeper level of self-evaluation and self-critique truly making the “invisible visible”. Progressing through the stages of cultural awareness is a choice. This choice represents a chosen way of being – and being present – in life, where we:

appreciate our imperfections without making them excuses
willingly learn, unlearn and relearn in every human interaction
actively engage with others, who are uniquely different, in order to push beyond our own boundaries of consciously or unconsciously assuming we already know
not only understand that human beings are complex and multi-dimensional, but also consciously engage in ongoing critical self-reflection
reconcile (and accept) our own limitations, privileges, and inherent bias that our identity unconsciously manifests arising from our history, experiences and narratives.

As we mentioned earlier, cultural awareness is a commitment to continuously evolving; we never arrive at a point where we are done learning. Our ability to remain humble and flexible, yet bold enough to look at ourselves critically and desire to learn more, is the cornerstone of growing our cultural awareness.

As coaches, we are trained to love living in the question and the unknown. So, when we do not know something, we say we do not know. We seek to understand, with the knowledge that understanding is only as powerful as the action that follows

The 4 Stages Of Cultural Awareness - These stages reflect how people grow to perceive cultural differences.

These stages reflect how people grow to perceive cultural differences.

Stage 1: People are all the same. - A strongly held conviction that we all, deep down, hold the same values and beliefs. This perspective is most often a result of a lack of experience with difference. (Parochial Stage)

Stage 2: Cultural difference exist, but mine is the best. - A realization occurs whereby the differences in cultural norms, values, customs and beliefs exist. However, they are seen as less desirable than our own, or even threatening. The desire is both to defend one’s own culture and minimize others. (Ethnocentric Stage)

Stage 3: Other cultures are of value and I can learn from them. - There is a recognition of the complexity and richness of other people’s cultures. We accept and see the potential benefits of other cultures’ values and beliefs. We see this as a pathway toward opening new solutions to problems. (Synergistic Stage)

Stage 4: More than one cultural frame of reference exists. In this stage we actively and consciously become intimately aware of our own cultural filters and begin to adapt our perceptions and behaviors. Through repeate d exposure to or education about other cultures, we develop a deeper understanding of a culture’s unique traits, values and norms. People in this stage can shift communication style and behaviors to effectively and appropriately interact with diverse cultures. An unconscious embodiment of coming together generates a shared view of our future and new possibilities whereby a new context and meaning are formed enabling new solutions to emerge. (Participatory Third Culture Stage)

When You Stumble

Thu, 21 May 2020 20:11:00 GMT

There are days when you stumble… and then there are days when you stumble upon a trinket from your past.

Our experience of the two isn’t dissimilar:

It breaks our flow; the forward movement toward something else we desire. We feel flush with excitement, shame, or something in-between. Our breathing shifts, our minds uncontrollably leap forward and backward, trying to make sense of the situation before finally coming to rest in the present moment. We pause. We sit in disbelief as we slow down and catch our breath; it deepens, and we become calm.

Stumbling is a moment of learning and growth.

I’ve stumbled numerous times on my training runs and rides…sometimes catching myself before going down, and sometimes not. The scars on my knees tell the real story.

A few days ago, I stumbled again. But this time, I stumbled upon two little books buried in the bottom corner of a box that I was ransacking while scrambling to find my husband’s Virginia Tech diploma. A quick glance, smile, and recognition of a time gone by… and off I went on my pursuit.

And as quickly as it happens, I push forward and forget it.

Days later, I opened the closet in my office to find these small reminders laying face up on the floor. This time, without any thought, I scooped them up and plopped myself on the floor. I felt my story emerge. My gaze fell to the covers. The dates 1995 and 1996 stared back at me.

It isn’t the books that matter, it’s the connection to a time when I stumbled—and I mean really stumbled. A crucible moment that changed my being forever.

A significant turning point in my life.

Nine months after the birth of my daughter, I turned in my resignation at what I still consider to be the most incredible organization I’ve ever worked for. In the days and weeks that followed, I met with co-workers and friends, sharing laughs, tears, and making promises to stay in touch.

One conversation changed me forever. I stumbled—and while my knees remained unscathed, my heart was certainly bruised.

Sitting on a bench behind the Barnett Bank tower on Brickell Avenue, I can still so clearly hear my co-worker say: “Angela, you are the most gifted listener. You listen with not only your ears, but your heart and soul, rarely judging what I or others have to say. You take it in and let me just be me. You are a gift.” But before I could even thank her for such a beautiful compliment, she went on to say, “And yet after working with you for three years, I don’t know anything about you.” I was speechless. I felt shame flood my entire body. I sat, saying nothing, staring out toward Biscayne Bay.

In the days that followed, I vowed that when I moved and made Richmond, Virginia my home, I not only would be a good listener, but I would also be good at being vulnerable, sharing my stories and experiences with others so that real connection could happen.

Stumbling has the power to change your life.

The stumbles in our lives have an opportunity to mean something if we take the time to pay attention and listen.

I now make it a practice to learn from my stumbles as well as the things I stumble upon.

Will you look away and hope no one sees you trip over your own shoelaces? Or will you look inward and wonder with vigor about what can be learned? The choice is yours.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and what you’ve learned from your stumbles.

TRUST, a Hallmark of Success

Thu, 21 May 2020 20:09:00 GMT

The cornerstone of every productive, caring, and meaningful relationship is trust

Trust only exists within the framework of a relationship.

Without trust we live in a superficial world where we silently doubt, reconsider, wink in agreement, and speak covertly about what we don’t like—these very actions undermine what we claim to care about albeit unintentionally. In some cases, we come up with a narrative for why we must behave in a certain way that supports our silence versus stepping into action to bring about a productive culture built on trust. In essence we get sucked into our own story and become an accomplice to our own crime.

“Trust, like love and freedom, is one of the essential human values that everyone understands—until it come into question and it is time to put it into practice.” ~Robert C. Solomon & Fernando Flores, Building Trust

Without trust, we are limited in our ability to take action—we cannot see beyond what is in front of us; we don’t even recognize the actions that are possible to generate a different experience. All we see are limitations. Distrust is a detrimental waste that can be avoided with mindfulness, care and practices that cultivate self-trust; the first step toward building trust with others.

In my experience, trust is the most often “taken for granted” assumption for leaders. I witness it all the time—leaders falling victim to the highs and lows that result from trust.

I witness their excitement when “its” perceived to be present and/or wonder why “it” isn’t just there pushing and pulling others through the thick fog of skepticism. Solomon & Flores reference this behavior as cordial hypocrisy—defined as “ the strong tendency of people in organizations, because of loyalty or fear, to pretend that there is trust when there is none, to be polite in the name of harmony when cynicism and distrust are active poisons, eating away at the very existence of the organization .”

As an executive advisor and coach, I have extensive experience with this phenomenon. In fact, I am in the midst of working with an organization to intentionally break this vicious unproductive cycle. And let me tell you, it isn’t simple nor easy. It takes commitment, courage, practice, encouragement, acknowledgement… rinse and repeat over and over and over daily. This daily practice isn’t for the faint of heart. It takes deliberately developing skills to listen actively; a level of listening for what is happening just below the surface and more importantly, in the “space between” .

The trap that we trip over is believing we’ve finally arrived—that trust is somehow now magically present all the time. Trust is an ongoing, continuously earned experience where we never quite arrive.

Trust is required on the path to success, it is not the destination.

When we believe that everyone is in the right conversation about the conversation that is needed, we realize that those present are still nodding in the affirmative. In actuality they are not feeling psychologically safe or possibly don’t care enough about the team to speak up. Either way…the organization will continue to be fragile until trust is a mandatory practice—not just a motto to live by.

Trust allows freedom without fear.

Trust, as an action, is paramount at the highest level of leadership. If those leading the organization are practicing cordial hypocrisy, so will every layer of the organization.

So ask yourself, “how do we begin trusting trust”?

A Harvard Business Review article, The Trust Crisis, reveals that “Trust, as defined by organizational scholars, is our willingness to be vulnerable to the actions of others because we believe they have good intentions and will behave well toward us.”

Trust building requires a safe space to examine ourselves and the components that are embedded in our organizations. These characteristics enable or disable our ability to trust the system, processes, and one another.

These include:

O rganizational sub-systems and related operating parameters
Feedback, reinforcement, and adaptation to delays
Information flow and connectivity
Goals: What we're trying to achieve
Paradigms: Our deepest held beliefs

As we examine our culture, we begin to realize that trust is not black or white. Trust comes in multiple shades of grey, and it is the grey area that gets tricky. To make the lines brighter in my work with senior executive leaders and boards, I invite them to grapple with the idea that their success has not been fully realized because one or more of these 3 things are missing: clarity, commitment, and / or capability.

Building trust is hard work. It’s tedious.

The place to begin on this journey is the beginning; creating context for what trust is and isn’t. The following inquiries are a guide. The process must start with every member of the team reflecting alone first, and then coming together for a facilitated conversation that elicits new distinctions and new practices as a team.

What is your definition of Trust?
What constitutes Trust? In other words, what conditions must be present for Trust to emerge?
attitude/logical assessment ~ care, sincerity, reliability, competency, willingness to be vulnerable/risk ~ our emotional response to the per son ~ etc
What energy or emotion does Trust generate in a relationship?
How do you know Trust is present? How do you know if it is missing?
What actions will I take to address with sincerity, reliability, competency, and care when Trust is missing?

Although our conversation is far from over. I trust you have read something that enables you to expand your “circle of trust” within self and with others.

Power of Practice

Thu, 21 May 2020 20:06:00 GMT

We are always practicing something. The question lies in whether what you are practicing will get you where you want to go and where your company’s shareholders expect you to go.

Let’s face it, we are blind to the practices we practice daily. We get up, do what we do, go to work, pick up the kids, make dinner, check-in with our parents, work some more, go to bed, and on and on and on.

Many make reference to this cycle as the hamster wheel and I am often asked by executives when I think they can get off. What surprises them is that they have the power to practice differently.

We simply go through our daily rituals without considering why, what, or even how our unconscious practices impact our mind, body and energy levels. We also fail to consider the impact our attitude has on our desired result.

Neuroscience teaches us that our minds love shortcuts; preferring routines that do not require any real time for consideration. As human beings, we have the capacity—if the desire, passion and will are present—to change the way our brains automatically respond by re-configuring and creating new and different connection points.

I won’t lie, it isn’t easy. The bonus, however, is tremendous if you step in and step up in owning the power to choose your practices moment by moment.

I invite you to become consciously aware when choosing your practices—even the small ones. For example, how you enter your office; notice the energy in your body, where your attention falls, what distractions are allowed to immediately sneak in… in this moment what might you begin to stop, start, or continue practicing that enhances the success for yourself, your team, and your organization?

The choice is yours. Will you continue practicing the practices you’ve always practiced and pray for a new result or will you recognize and own your power in developing new practices and routines that create better futures for everyone? As many of my clients have begun to realize, igniting their success begins with designing the right practices and then consciously practicing them over and over until they become the shortcuts our brain craves.

Make THIS Your Best Year Yet!!

Thu, 21 May 2020 20:04:00 GMT

Every leader that I have had the pleasure of working with over the last 30 years believes they will absolutely, without any hesitation, make the upcoming year better than the last. They are not sure how, but they know they will. They have good intentions as the New Year begins, but their commitment quickly wanes as old habits and practices begin unconsciously taking hold. Before they realize it, their aspirations of having the 'Best Year Yet', are long gone and they are focused solely on plowing through the “stuff” in order to complete tasks as close to on time as possible.

Does this feel like your life experience?

Do you often look back at the end of a year and wonder, what did I achieve that was worthwhile, had meaning, and fulfilled me personally?

The end of the year is a perfect time to reflect on the past, but not linger there. It’s a perfect time of year to identify the areas in your life that have been neglected, and yet are in need of your attention. It’s a perfect time of year to design, define, and declare the future you wish to live.

The executives I’ve worked with have learned key lessons from fully engaging in this intentional practice. They’ve learned:

Doing more isn't better
Letting go is hard, but worth it
Accepting it is hard to break old habits because they exist outside of our daily awareness
Developing new habits take time, effort, and repetition
Creating a rhythm for reflection is a non-trivial action that has a direct impact on overall satisfaction in realizing desired goals

What follows is a framework for a learning session you can do on your own. It mirrors the more in-depth session I lead leaders and their teams through that when acted upon has proven to generate extraordinary life experiences making the year the best yet.

Framework for Designing, Defining and Declaring the Best Year Yet

Begin by setting aside a minimum of 90 minutes of uninterrupted time. Be purposeful in selecting the where and when. Removing yourself from the daily chaos and noise will invite new insights and learning which are essential in designing the Best Year Yet.

A day before diving into your session, skim the video, the questions, and the exercise that follows. Notice if you have judgments and opinions that arise; suspend them to the best of your ability. This will take about 15 minutes. Become familiar with the path you have chosen to embark on and recall the reason why you have chosen to invest the time and energy.

Preparation the day of the session is crucial; from the very moment you wake up. Check in with yourself and choose to fully engage. Notice if your inner voice is pushing you forward or pushing you to “opt out”. Take a stand for your future…and choose to “opt in” even if it feels unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Recognize that 90 minutes is not really that long in the large scheme of things and trust that this particular 90-minute block of time will begin to shape a future where this will be the Best Year Yet.

When the appointed time comes, begin by moving into a flow; the state of being where mind, mood, and body are moving in rhythm and with ease.

Settle in. Notice your breath. Our breath is a gift. One that is given to us freely and yet we often take it for granted. Breathe deeply. If you notice your breath is high in your chest, focus on breathing all the way down to your belly. When you’ve settled into a deep, slow your breathing pattern, then begin:

Wat ch this 2 minute video at least once and consider all that has been present for you in the 12-months and how you overcame adversity
Answer the questions that follow
Write your reflections, don't just think about them

Celebrate : Make a generous list of...

Special moments you have experienced within the past year (personal & professional)
Important accomplishments within the past year (personal & professional)
What you need to acknowledge yourself for, big or small, that maybe you've overlooked

Educate : reflecting on this year's achievements

What have you learned from the past year?
What were your top 3 most important business lessons?
What were your top 3 life lessons?
How were you/were you acting when you achieved these best results?

Clarify : In order to make this the Best Year Yet, identify and list the 2-3 personal and/or professional goals that will allow you to live in accordance with what is most valuable and important to you

What do you value in life? (For example: freedom, clarity, collaboration, self-respect, status)
How do your behaviors and how you spend your time align with your values?

Sequence :

Map your goals by identifying the small steps that you can begin now
Commit by setting time aside daily and/or weekly (depending on the goal) to engage in small steps. And stay with it, even if it seems like time isn't on your side!
Recognize the resources you may need, what you may need to learn, and requests you may need to make in order to fulfill your promises to yourself
Celebrate daily, weekly, and monthly. There is no such thing as a small win

Visualize: a visualization activity to turn your future into a reality

Imprint the future in your mind and heart
Close your eyes as you play this video
Now open your eyes and watch the video as you envision the future and your Best Year Yet. What do you notice about your mood, thoughts, and the shape your physical body takes? Does it move you into action or something else? Taking just a small step towards the future you wish to have in all that is ever necessary. Take a small step daily and it will seem as if you've magically transformed your life

Finally, don’t delay in creating time to engage in this practice and the small steps that you’ve identified.

You are worth it.

Give yourself permission to expand beyond what you ever thought was possible.

Make you the priority, and you’ll find that within that mindset, others will benefit in ways that you couldn't even imagine.

Competing for the Best

Tue, 30 May 2017 15:32:00 GMT

We all want the best team. After all, it is often said, “the best teams win.”

Often people mistake “the best team” for the most talented team of superstars that have all the experience, education, and natural skills possible.

Here’s the problem: "the best team" doesn’t always win.

They don’t win often unless they have two very important ingredients .

The first absolutely critical ingredient is leadership .

Does the team have alignment around a vision and values?

Are they all working for a common result?

Are they putting the team first?

Without leadership, this can never happen. Why would it?

A leader must be present to set the direction and help everyone be successful.

The second ingredient, which is even more important than the first, is a sense of belonging .

Does each person on the team share the values of the whole?

Is each person committed to shared success and meeting the goals of the team?

You see, short term winning may be possible with a group of individuals, however, true sustainable success can only be achieved if the whole functions greater than the sum of its parts.

Workplace Safety as a Moral Requirement

Thu, 30 Jun 2016 10:06:00 GMT

You see it every day, workers without fall protection, commercial vehicles that look like they are falling apart, lifting or carrying heavy items without support, backing up without spotters, forklifts operated unsafely, and a general lack of concern.

Many immediately think about the financial implications that result from these types of events.

Yes, workers compensation costs can be expensive, but as leaders, the expense of an accident can’t be our first concern.

As leaders, we must care about the health and safety of our team because they are human .

We should be far more concerned about the impact on the individual and their family that a workplace accident can cause.

The first concern of every leader should be each member of the team returning home in the same or better condition than they arrived.

It is that simple.

You either care about people or you don’t. If you don’t, you aren’t a leader.